I became born-again in my 40s. Prior to this, I actually thought I was born-again since I “gave my life to Jesus” at 16 years of age. I really thought I was going to Heaven to be with Christ forever when I passed on. Yet, I always had a doubtful feeling in my heart that I was truly saved.

I constantly questioned my lifestyle as I was not living in such a way that one would call “holy.” I knew I was meant to live a holy lifestyle, but why didn’t I want to? I was constantly being pulled to a side that had me hating any authority, advocating women empowerment, seeing children as a burden, dressing provocatively (and loathing the men who looked), and so on. My lifestyle did not reflect that of a born-again Christian even though I was “saved.” Something was off.

The world had me more than God did (now that I look back). Unknowingly, I was more familiar with the world’s system than God’s. Even the scripture, which I heard so often preached in church – “be not conformed to this world…”(Rom. 12:2) wasn’t as real to me as it is now. Then, it just meant don’t drink, smoke, commit fornication, etc. Basically, don’t do what the world visibly does. I was kind of a goodie-two-shoes so this wasn’t too difficult for me. Yet as time went by this scripture in Romans didn’t mean much to me because as much as I was avoiding those blatant sins, I still didn’t feel I was truly saved.

I was often ashamed to tell people who were not Christians that I was one, simply because the fruits of being one were not there (Matt. 7:20). I was enduring all this turmoil about my walk with God in my heart, yet I still continued in my ways.

That was until I was recently confronted with a major issue in my life that required a potentially life-transforming decision to be made. I embarked on a search for the truth of God concerning the issue as I wanted to make the right decision. What I stumbled upon was the catalyst that brought about my introduction to the Gospel of Jesus Christ through Apostle Paul.

I found out that I had been believing a lie for all of my so-called Christian life. I had been walking in the ways of the world and the lines were so muddled because I had a false salvation experience!

When I was 16, I was introduced to Christianity by a family member. This person told me about Jesus and that I should become born-again or I would go to Hell. Of course I had to “give my life” to Jesus. I mean who wants to go to Hell?!(Rev.21:8) What I now know is that this well-meaning person did not give me the full gospel that would lead me to real salvation.

After this experience, I spent my journey of Christianity struggling to read my Bible, reluctantly going to church, and finding prayer boring. I even joined charismatic churches whose doctrines led me down the path of depraved thinking. I enjoyed the church services, as they were entertaining and “spiritual”, but what I discovered was that the teachings were so heretical and apostate that it could only have been influenced by the devil. Little did I know that I was heading down the road to destruction – fast!

I sincerely thought I was a really good Christian. I read my Bible more since I was getting all these weird doctrines from church, praying more since I was praying only in “tongues”, and I enjoyed going to church because the pastor was funny, the people were friendly, and the music, awesome.

Don’t get me wrong. I did hear a gospel preached in these churches from time to time, but I don’t think it was the true complete gospel. Furthermore, the pastors were preaching to the unbelievers in the room since I was already “saved.” Right?

Little did I know that I was on the wrong side of the tracks.

So bringing this back to when I was doing research about an important life decision. This led to my hearing about the real truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I discovered that what I had based my salvation on was found in John 3:16, which says.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 

This verse was said by yet-to-be-crucified Jesus, and it was meant for the Jews in that time. In 1 Corinthians 15:1-4, Paul’s gospel (which was given to him by Christ to the Gentiles (Gal.1:11-12, Rom.1:13)) speaks of how Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures, and that He was buried and rose again on the third day according to the Scriptures. This is the gospel wherein we are saved (1Cor.15:2).

When I “gave my life” to Jesus, my belief was not on the gospel which says that I was a sinner and that Christ died for my sins. It was on the fact that I would go to hell if I didn’t give Jesus my life. I was unknowingly basing my salvation on a few words of a sinners’ prayer instead of believing on the shed blood of Jesus Christ. My salvation state was counting on the fact that I had “given my life to Jesus” while kneeling by the side of my bed at 16 years of age. Due to this belief, throughout my life, I would have constant doubts that I was saved or that I could lose my salvation. Obviously that prayer was not a sufficient basis for my faith.

Another thing is that when I “gave my life to Jesus” I didn’t fully understand that I was a damned sinner in need of someone to save me from the Hell that awaited me. I thought I was a pretty good person since I never did blatant sins, and so as long as I continued to be good, I was safe. When I heard the true gospel message, it was not just the “good news” I heard – about the fact that Christ bled and died for the atonement of my sins, but I also heard the bad news. It was actually the bad news that took my knowledge of the gospel from my head to my heart. I found out that I was a no-good, rotten, lousy, wicked person who could never impress God on their own (Rom.3:23). This humbled me and brought me to a state of fully understanding in my heart why Jesus did what He did. He did all that is necessary for me to be at peace with God forever (Heb. 10:10)

I truly believe that if I had been introduced to the true gospel back then, I would have lived a more holy lifestyle without much struggle because my focus and desire would be to please the person who shed His blood so that my vile self could spend eternity in peace with Him.

I would have seen myself as I was – a wicked, sorry, damned person who was on their way to Hell and destruction. In need of someone to rescue her. I would have seen Jesus as my Saviour – not a tyrant who wanted to spoil my fun. I would have hated my sin and cried in agony whenever I missed the mark. I would have told everyone around me about this Man who has delivered my soul from eternal darkness even though I didn’t deserve it.

This is why I started this blog. I want to share what I have learned in my Christian journey with other women. I want to expose the lies of satan and help women live a life of holiness and purity by understanding the Scriptures. I hope this testimony has touched you. Please leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

For His glory,

Shiphrah.